I have a confession to make. It’s not something I’m proud of at all. When you’re a six-foot three-inch, manly man like me, it isn’t something that’s easy to explain.
You see, I’m addicted to lip balm.
And heaven help the world if I can’t find my lip balm. It’s always missing, and that gets me cranky. So, my wife told me I should start wearing a stick of lip balm on a lanyard. This, of course, got me thinking of what else I would stop losing, if I just kept it on a lanyard, which are available in many convenient and innovative styles at SnugZUSA.com. So, after much thought, here are the Top 10 Reasons Why Lanyards are a Good Idea:
1. You won’t lose your keys. If you’ve ever tried to break into your own locked Jeep Cherokee in the grocery store parking lot, using just a wire hanger and a car antenna, because you left your keys in the ignition, you know how embarrassing it can be. Just keep the keys on a SnugZ lanyard.
2. You can get into exclusive backstage events with a name badge. People in movies always get to meet the band by flashing that coveted name badge (on a lanyard) to the burly, emotionless security guard. If you start wearing your workplace name badge on a lanyard, you’d probably be able to meet your favorite band too.
3. You won’t lose your jump drive. Which is good, because that jump drive on a lanyard is where you just downloaded the last three volumes of Twilight that you don’t want anyone to know about.
4. You’ll have even closer access to your cell phone. Have you seen those nifty little cell phone holders that can hang at the end of the lanyard? So convenient for tip-of-the-finger texting addicts.
5. You can always carry a referee’s whistle. I know that I’ve been in many situations where I’ve wished I had a ref’s whistle on the end of a lanyard, so I could call fouls on people who text during movies, clip their nails in public, or use the phrase “a whole nother.”
6. You can always have your fingernail clippers. Except in public. Remember, we just discussed this.
7. You can carry a key to an emergency storage locker. This, of course, would be if you are either a werewolf or the Incredible Hulk. If you just keep a key on one SnugZ’s stretchy elastic lanyards, it won’t rip away with the rest of your clothes when you transform. And this way, you’d always have somewhere private to have an extra set of clothes stored.
8. You can more prominently and conveniently display your scarlet letter. Just in case your society has deemed you a sinful outcast, a lanyard would make public shaming easier. And if you had one of SnugZ’s non-flip lanyards, your general wickedness would always be easy to see.
9. You can always carry an emergency stick of beef jerky. And, if you always have meat on your lanyard, you’ll be less tempted to go crazy after transforming into that werewolf, unless it was the werewolf from True Blood, and if that’s the case, transform away.
10. You can always carry an emergency pen. You know, for writing down truly inspirational ideas, like a list of ten uses for a lanyard.